dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
