No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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