I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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