Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
