after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
