i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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