sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
