If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
