FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
