i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
