Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
