you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
