ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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