ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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