i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
