What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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