she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
