So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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