Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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