it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize