i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
as a side note pls kill me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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