The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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