I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
