Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
