He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
