I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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