At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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