if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize