Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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