your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
