dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
