I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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