all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
