i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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