You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
