I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This is my gift to your gina
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
