just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
