even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
