I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
