why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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