I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
