Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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