I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
