I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
