Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
