The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
