this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
