I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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