Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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