you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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