You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
