I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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