took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
