i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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