great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
