sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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