I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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