Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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