One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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