Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
should my penis look like a turkey
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
