the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
