we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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