I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
