i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
