I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
