and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
