We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
